Then Bilbo turned away, and he went by
himself, and sat alone wrapped in a blanket,
and, whether you believe it or not, he wept until
his eyes were red and his voice was hoarse.
He was a kindly little soul. Indeed, it was long
before he had the heart to make a joke again. -The Hobbit
“Come on, Uncle! You can’t sit out here the entire time! We’ll be in line for at least 45 minutes, you have to come with us!”
Thorin dragged a hand down his face. Mahal love his nephews, but…
“Kili, I would really prefer-”
Kili’s eyes widened. His lip quivered. He gave a barely audible sniff.
For an 18 year old face, it was entirely too convincing. Thorin sighed.
“All right. I’m coming.”
“YEAH!” Kili nearly tackled him in a hug, the two of them only held up by Fili tackling in the opposite direction.
The wait ended up actually being closer to an hour. Luckily most of it was in the shade, and aside from his own nephews and one group of younger teens ahead of them in line, it wasn’t too loud.
The true problem of waiting in line was that it gave Thorin plenty of time to evaluate every single possible design flaw in the roller coaster. Every single rattling bolt, every shaking support beam, and every rickety cart.
Thorin was going to die.
They were almost to the front when he saw the sign.
“Singles Will Be Paired”
Great.
He was going to die, and he was going to do it next to some sweaty, idiotic, chatterbox stranger while sitting in a barely secured cart going 500 miles an hour. He groaned and wondered if Kili and Fili would notice if he slipped out of line now.
“Singles!” a park employee called. “Single riders over here! Sir, step over here please!”
“Bye Uncle! See you at the bottom!!”
Thorin scowled at the two of them gleefully lining up for the next ride in the front cart, and reluctantly stepped over to the employee waving him over. Trepidatiously, he glanced at the single rider already waiting with his back to Thorin. Short, curly hair- he didn’t look too sweaty. Thorin thought that maybe he’d lucked out, right up until the man turned around.
Thorin nearly froze.
The stranger was, by far, the cutest man Thorin had ever seen.
Pink cheeks, slightly upturned nose, bright eyes, and a nervous grin.
“Hello! We’re sitting together then? Hope you don’t get motion sickness, hah.” He suddenly looked worried. “You don’t get motion sickness, do you?”
Thorin finally shook himself from his heart framed gaze and managed to grunt out, “No.”
“Oh, good good. I don’t either, so you have nothing to worry about there. I’m not, ah, particularly, well, fond of roller coasters. But my nephew and his friends convinced me that I’d be missing out on a truly life altering experience if I were to sit this one out, although perhaps I should have questioned further just exactly how my life will be altered-”
“Step forward into the cart, sirs,” the bored sounding park employee talked over him, and Thorin almost slapped a hand over her face for interrupting the flow of his delightful voice.
Thorin lurched forward first, stumbling into the low cart. He sat down just in time to see the man’s eyes flick up, his cheeks flushing even pinker for a moment. Thorin furrowed his brow.
“Are you overheated?”
“No! Nope. Just nerves.” He quickly shut his mouth after that, climbing into the cart after Thorin and doing his own belt.
They sat quietly for a moment. Just one, and then the man said, “My name’s Bilbo, by the way.”
Bilbo. Thorin tucked away the name like a treasure.
“Thorin,” he returned with a nod.
“Lovely to meet you Thorin.”
There was a commotion up front, stalling the employees trying to do the safety checks.
“Oh no,” Bilbo muttered. Thorin raised an eyebrow at him.
“Can you see?” Bilbo asked. “Does it look like a boy, about twelve years old, dark curly hair? Sitting next to a blonde boy wearing suspenders?”
“Suspenders?” Thorin raised an eyebrow. “At a theme park?”
“Honestly, it’s amazing we convinced him not to wear overalls. Can you see? The dark haired one is my nephew, I brought him here.”
Thorin craned his head, looking toward the front. He thought he could see the pair that Bilbo was talking about, but they were just sitting and laughing. No, the commotion was way up front. At the very front, in fact.
Thorin cursed.
“Oh goodness, is it them?” Bilbo asked, alarmed, reaching out for his own look.
“No, I’m afraid it’s my own nephews.” Thorin continued looking, internally debating whether or not he should get out of the cart and go interfere. Just before he moved, one of the park employees triumphantly snatched away two bottle rockets and a lighter.
“Mahal’s sake, how did they even get those in?” Thorin moaned. “Have they been walking around with fireworks in their pants all day?!”
Bilbo consolingly patted Thorin on the arm, doing his best not to snort.
“There, there. They wouldn’t be nephews if you didn’t want to murder them at least once a month.”
Thorin let out a surprised little chuckle and glanced back at Bilbo with a smile.
It was only another minute before the entire ride had been checked, and the park employees were all holding thumbs up. A second later the carts started to click forward.
Thorin gripped the bar in front of them tightly, distantly surprised when Bilbo’s hands latched on next to his, fingertips white with pressure. Thorin glanced over and noticed that a bit of his pink complexion had drained to white as well.
He was so concerned by the change, and perhaps still a bit taken in by Bilbo’s adorable face, that he missed the first twenty seconds of the ride.
Which meant he missed the first incline.
Which meant he missed the pause at the first precipice.
Which meant he was completely surprised by the first descent.
A startled yell tore itself from his throat, his hands gripping the bar even tighter. The sound of his yell must have unleashed something in Bilbo, because he let out a sound that was somewhere between a screech and yodel.
The carts bottomed out and flung up again, this time banking hard to the left, breaking Bilbo’s grip and throwing him into Thorin’s side, where he scrabbled at Thorin’s arm, digging his fingers in and holding on for dear life.
Before Thorin could have any thought about that, the cart swerved to the right, this time throwing Thorin and all his weight into Bilbo, crushing them both into the corner of the cart.
Thorin scrambled to help Bilbo back upright, worried that he might actually get squashed into a pancake if the ride did that again. Bilbo’s grip on Thorin’s arm somehow got even tighter, and the ride swooped down once more just as they both managed to get completely upright.
On instinct, Thorin wrapped both his arms around Bilbo, hiding his yell in Bilbo’s hair while Bilbo yelped into Thorin’s shoulder, the two of them screaming as they bounced back and forth in the shaking little cart. Thorin squeezed his eyes shut and prayed that his sister would forgive him for dying at the theme park, making her have to come pick up the boys.
Bilbo and Thorin both held onto each other, their grips the most stable part of the entire ride, and eventually they began to slow. The wind got quieter, the air a little warmer, and then, finally-
Click
The safety bar unlocked.
Thorin pried one eye open, looking around to be sure that they were back on the stable platform. Slowly, so slowly, he managed to loosen his grip on Bilbo, although not let go of him entirely. Bilbo’s eyes were still shut.
“It’s over,” Thorin mumbled, haphazardly smoothing out his partner’s curls with little success.
“Did we die?” Bilbo asked, refusing to open his eyes just yet.
“We’re still at the theme park, so I suppose the answer to that lies in what you think of heaven or hell.”
Bilbo let out a laugh at that, finally opening his eyes.
“Sirs, you need to exit the cart.” The bored employee was back.
“Yes, yes, alright,” Bilbo snapped. They both got up on wobbly legs and stumbled a little on their way down toward the exit, everyone else having already left.
“Good gracious, life altering experience indeed,” Bilbo muttered, straightening his clothes and hair as they walked. He glanced up at Thorin after a moment. “I was afraid I might have left a bruise or two on your arm.”
Thorin shrugged.
“I’m afraid I might have burst your eardrum.”
Bilbo gave back a crooked smile, and Thorin’s stomach swooped again as if he were still on the ride.
When they reached the exit, they both automatically searched for their nephews, only to find Fili and Kili showing card tricks to Bilbo’s nephew and his suspenders friend.
“Uncle Bilbo, Uncle Bilbo!” The dark haired boy hurried over. “That guy can guess my card right every single time!!”
“What can I say,” Fili said, faux casually. “Some of us are just born magicians.”
Bilbo’s nephew snorted.
“Magician, right. Teach me how to do the trick!!”
“Come on Frodo,” the other kid whined. “I’m starving! There was a corn dog hut back there-”
“Oh, CORN DOGS,” Kili said excitedly. “Uncle!! Corn dogs!”
‘Be it for reason, be it for love, I won’t take the easy road.’
I haven’t been able to get my ‘nomadic dwarves living in yurts’ headcanon out of my head yet, so here’s something small to tempt your imagination. Bilbo is mightily smitten by Thorin’s eagle hunting skills, and who can blame him?
the thing i love best about thorin and bilbo hugging is that they both look so moved by it like it’s this transcendental experience like stars aligning tides changing the universe holding its breath…but you also know it must’ve been absolutely foul. these guys have been fighting fucking goblins in filthy wet caves, running, falling down in goblin muck, then fighting really big dogs essentially, half on fire, drenched with sweat and adrenaline, they’re banged up and bleeding, they haven’t bathed since rivendell like a week ago, there’s half a forest in thorin’s hair alone, like they are absolutely disgusting, it must have been a top five contender for middle earth’s most gross hug award, and all they can bloody well do about it is smile at one another. revolting. i love them.
serenbach86 